last days

Today was my last day of maternity leave! I am so so so sad. I have been dreading this day that I would have to go back to work and leave my son with someone else. But time moves on and here we are. Although my leave from the County isn't up until 9/24, I start my new job on Monday. Boo!

I want to make an entry about our last few days off. We spent most of the time just hanging out at home. It was great! We took some naps together, took walks and played a lot. This past week has been so exciting developmentally too and I'm so glad I've been around to see it all. He is more smiley and interactive than ever and just so freaking adorable!

This morning things were a bit off for him. He just did not want to go back to sleep after his morning feeding. He laid in his crib "talking" for 45 minutes then I got him up and put him in the ergo and vacuumed thinking that would lure him to sleep. Nope. So finally after about a half hour in the swing he slept for about 30 minutes. We did some tummy time in his room and he practiced rolling over. He spit up and then face planted in it. Nice. He is more interested in the dogs too. He gave big smiles when Kona kissed him. The rest of the day was pretty routine, although his afternoon nap went a little later than normal. He woke around 5pm. We laid in the bed and I napped a little, read a little and watched him sleep :) Perfect afternoon.

I am sad for obvious reasons. I have to leave my little boy who right now depends on me and his dad for everything all the time. I've watched my little preemie son grow and the changes are just incredible. When we left the hospital he weighed around 5 lbs 14 oz. At his 4 month appointment he weighed over 14 pounds! People went from commenting on how tiny he is to how big he is. He was this scrunchy little squeaky newborn who had some challenges nursing and sleeping. He wanted to be held all the time sometimes and it was (and still is) just simply exhausting. Now he is this big strong, healthy 4.5 month old who loves to stand, play in his exersaucer, eat and interact with his parents. Oh how our lives have changed!

I have been given the gift of 4.5 months off and it's been wonderful. I think that no matter how much time I would have off it would never be enough. I'm pretty sure I want to move to Canada before we have another one so I can have a year off. Anyway, I have enjoyed being a stay at home mom. I didn't know if I would. It was hard getting into a routine and feeling like I was being productive. I struggled especially in the beginning when all I did was sit on the couch and feed him every 1-3 hours. But what a job that is. While it sounds and often felt a little lazy, I was feeding my boy..pretty important job if you ask me! But at the time it's hard to have that perspective. So I got into a routine and I really liked being at home to keep the house clean, cook dinner, make lunch for Randy and be here for all the things Danny did. Oh and not to forget baking Friday! Yes it was challenging at times but totally worth it.

I wonder how this next chapter is going to be. It's hard to imagine doing everything I've been doing plus working 40 hours. But I'm sure we'll make it work. We have to.